


love me now.

by lordvoldyfarts



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 13:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8448619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordvoldyfarts/pseuds/lordvoldyfarts
Summary: the four times alex danvers wanted to tell maggie sawyer how she felt and the one time maggie did.





	

**I.**

Maggie has a girlfriend.

A very pretty, very blonde girlfriend named Sophie.

Alex knows what it feels like to be punched in the gut and it feels exactly like this.

When she leaves the scene, she finds herself wishing she was home in Midvale. The view of the stars there is like no other. When she’d feel down, or angry, she’d lay in her backyard and look at the stars. She found that only good things came from the stars because the stars gave her Kara and she was far and away the best thing that happened to Alex. 

But she was here in the city, where air pollution made it nearly impossible to find even the simplest of constellations.

Alex goes to her apartment instead.

She lays down on the comfortable throw rug that sits in the middle of her living room. It’s just about the only nice thing she bought herself for this apartment. She’s not here enough to appreciate fine decor most of the time anyway. But this rug? Well it was worth splurging on.

She closes her eyes and pictures the stars against her eyelids. It’s not nearly as good as the real thing but it’s going to have to do for now.

Pinpointing the source of her feelings has always been a strong suit of hers. Introspection was something she learned quite young. Alex Danvers knew herself.

At least, she thought she did.

This is new.

The way her stomach drops when she replays the image of Maggie kissing her tall, blonde girlfriend.

She doesn’t know what it is, what it means, but she knows that she fucking hates it. 

There’s a knock on her door and she figures that the only person it could be is Kara. She doesn’t stand up. She just yells “Come in,” and then Kara is standing over her.

“Why are you on the floor?” she asks and Alex can’t see her but she imagines that she’s furrowing her brow at her.

“Why  _ aren’t  _ you?” Alex replies and there’s a small chuckle from above her. She feels Kara’s arm pressed against hers and they both go silent for a few minutes.

“Maggie has a girlfriend,” Alex states simply. She still doesn’t open her eyes.

“Oh. Are you….are you upset by that?” Kara asks, her voice hesitant and careful. Alex takes a deep breath.

“I don’t know,” she whispers but she does know. What she doesn’t know is if she’s ready to admit it.

“Okay. It’s okay to not know,” Kara replies and she grabs Alex’s hand and squeezes gently.

“Thanks,” Alex says.

They’re silent for a few moments then Alex’s phone vibrates. 

It’s Maggie.

**_Maggie_ ** _ : Drinks tomorrow? _

Alex takes a deep breath. Most of her is saying ‘yes yes yes!’ but some of her, a marginally smaller part, wants her to feel like she did.

But she’s an adult and that’s not how adults deal with rejection. She’s staring at the screen so hard that the letters on the screen are starting to blend together. Kara’s hand is on hers then and she’s lowering the phone.

“It can wait,” Kara says, her blue eyes bright, wide, and sincere. Alex nods. She drops her phone and drops back to the ground.

“This sucks,” she mumbles. Kara laughs and moves to rest her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“You always have me,” she says and that makes Alex laugh.

But she knows it’s true. She’ll always have Kara.

It’s just that she really wants Maggie too.

**II.**

Maggie’s bike is broken.

It was crushed, rather horrifically, in the hunt for an alien and Alex swears she saw a few tears make their way out of Maggie’s eyes when she inspected it when they got back to the DEO.

She’s quiet, quieter than Alex has ever seen her, and Alex isn’t sure what to do. She sits next to her on the bench outside of headquarters. Maggie has her hands folded in her lap, between her legs. Alex doesn’t say anything. “It was the first thing I bought when I moved here,” Maggie mutters.

Alex tilts her head toward Maggie, making it clear that she’s listening. “I didn’t have much growing up. My parents were immigrants who had to work their ass off to be looked at as half as good as the white people they worked with. We got by, but I never really had anything special,” Maggie explains. “When I got this job, when I moved here, I decided it was time I had something nice so I bought the bike.” Maggie tilts her head up and gestures to the top of the building with her head. “For a long time, she was all I had,” Maggie admits and Alex understands.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says sincerely. Maggie shrugs.

“It is what it is,” she replies and they fall silent again. Maggie’s head is resting against the concrete wall of the building. “I should get going if I want to make it home before the sun rises,” Maggie comments after a few long minutes of silence. Alex’s brow furrows and Maggie chuckles. “I don’t have a ride, Danvers and Sophie’s away on business,” Maggie clarifies and Alex’s mouth forms an ‘oh’.

“I can drive you,” she offers without any hesitation. Maggie shakes her head.

“Nah, you don’t have to,” Maggie says, standing up. Alex reaches out and grabs her wrist before she can even start to move.

“I insist,” Alex says, her voice firm. Maggie smiles and it’s the first time she has since they got back to the DEO.

“Alright. Where you parked?” Maggie asks and Alex smiles, standing up.

“I’m out back,” Alex replies, leading the way. They walk to Alex’s bike in silence. When they get there, Alex slips on her helmet. Maggie has her own, which Alex is thankful for because she doesn’t keep an extra one on her. Her bike is  _ hers _ . Alex isn’t sure it’s seen the face of another rider since the person who took it for a test drive before her.

But there was no way that she was going to leave Maggie alone, on the streets of National City. Not now that she’s joined forces with the DEO. That makes her a target. Alex wouldn’t be responsible for Maggie getting hurt. Not again.

When Maggie slides on the bike behind her and wraps her arms around Alex’s waist, Alex feels her heart rise into her throat.

Oh God. Driving was going to be difficult it her heart didn’t stop racing. 

Maggie is warm against her and Alex is acutely aware of exactly where Maggie’s fingers are resting against her torso. It’s electric.

It feels almost dirty. Maggie is pressed against her back and if Alex focuses, she can feel the outline of her breasts. Maggie’s breath is hot against her neck and Alex tries her best not think about another scenario where she would feel Maggie’s breath on her.

The ride is quiet. The only thing that either of them can hear is the rushing of the wind past their ears and the engine. 

They get to Maggie’s apartment probably sooner than Alex would like. Maggie’s hands linger and graze across Alex’s hips as she lets them drop.  _ Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend  _ Alex repeats in her head in an attempt to squash the feeling rising in her chest. “Thanks for the ride, Danvers,” Maggie says, pulling her helmet off. Maggie stares at her and Alex’s heart is in her throat. She fixes her with one last smile before the starts to turn around.

“Maggie,” Alex calls and Maggie turns. “For the record, the bike isn’t all you have anymore. You’ve got me,” Alex says. She knows that Maggie has her girlfriend, she knows that, but it feels important that Maggie knows she has Alex too. When Maggie starts to grin at her, she blames the flush in her cheeks on the wind. She certainly isn’t affected by the brightness or her smile or the way her eyes seem to sparkle.

(Okay, maybe she is.)

“Back at you, Danvers,” Maggie says, and she tilts her head, watching Alex contemplatively. “Thanks for the ride. I owe you,” she says with a small solute.

Alex watches her retreating back and she thinks that Sophie is a very lucky woman.

Jealousy tears at her insides and she tries to control the voice in her head that wishes it was her instead. 

Because she wants Maggie. In every conceivable way. She wants to be able to walk inside, arm draped around her waist. She wants to trace lines between her freckles and kiss her dimples. Hell, maybe simply enough, she just wants to hold her hand again. To feel her palm in hers and pay close attention to the way the lines in their palms interlock.

She  _ wants  _ Maggie.

And it’s killing her knowing that she’ll probably never have her.

Not in the way she wants.

**III.**

Alex is exhausted. It’s been a long day and she’d gotten her ass thrown around by the alien they’d been trying to catch. Her ribs are sore and she’s a bit dizzy - which is why she’s found herself confined to a bed in the DEO with an IV drip in her arm.

“Fancy seeing you here, Danvers,” comes a voice from the entrance to the room. Alex cracks a small smile.

“Oh, laugh it up,” Alex murmurs, her voice still quite weak. Maggie smiles and walks further into the room. She stands next to Alex’s bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, her voice turning serious. Alex shrugs.

“I’ve been better,” Alex says, lifting the arm that has the IV attached to it.

“You know, you’re pretty reckless,” Maggie comments and Alex’s eyebrows shoot up.

“ _ I’m  _ reckless? Might I remind you which human freely spends time in a primarily alien bar?” Alex retorts, eyebrows raised so high they’re practically part of her hairline. Maggie shakes her head. She sits down in the chair that’s positioned next to Alex’s bed. Her finger flicks up and hits the IV line, brushing across Alex’s arm when her hand falls back to the bed.

“You need to be more careful, Danvers. If you die, people are going to miss you,” Maggie says. Her eyes are dark and hardly match the tone of her words, which seem lighthearted. 

“I know,” Alex replies and Maggie scowls.

“Do you? Because you keep jumping in the line of fire like your life doesn’t matter,” Maggie snaps and if Alex wasn’t laying down, she might have fallen over from the force of Maggie’s words.

“It’s my job, Maggie,” Alex replies and Maggie narrows her eyes.

“Your job is to apprehend rogue aliens with behavior issues. It isn’t to risk your life at any given opportunity,” Maggie retorts, her voice hard and her arms crossed against her chest.. Alex frowns.

“Maggie, part of my job description is to make sure the people of this city are safe. If I have to step in front of an alien with a mean streak to make sure I can protect people, then that’s what I’m going to do,” Alex explains. Maggie throws her head back, staring at the luminescent lights on the ceiling. Alex watches the bob of her neck as she swallows.

“Do me a favor then,” Maggie says after a few moments, her voice scratchy as if she were trying to choke something back. She brings her head back down so she can look Alex in the eye. If Alex notices that they’re a little bit watery, she doesn’t say anything. She just nods. “Don’t risk your life where I can’t save it,” she continues, a small smile playing at the side of her lips and Alex’s stomach flips. It’s only once Alex sees the vulnerability in Maggie’s eyes that she realizes just how much Maggie’s come to care for her. In what way, Alex isn’t sure, but the fact remains: she does.

So Alex simply nods. “Okay,” she replies. Maggie stares at her and her smile seems to be back to its normal luminescence. 

“How long do they want to keep you on bedrest?” Maggie asks and Alex laughs.

“At least three days,” Alex replies. “And I need someone with me at all times to make sure I don’t develop any neurological symptoms,” she adds and there’s part of her (okay, more than a part of her) that wants Maggie to offer.

“My door’s always open,” Maggie replies and Alex’s stomach flip flops again. 

“Sophie won’t mind?” Alex responds and it’s meant to be a joke but it comes out much more seriously than she intended. The air shifts as the memory of Maggie’s girlfriend hangs heavy over both of them now.

Maggie is about to open her mouth to say something when the door to the room opens and Kara rushes in. 

“Oh Alex,” she says, grabbing her hand. Maggie’s smile drops and there’s a look in her eyes as if she’s just remembered something. 

“Rest up, Danvers,” Maggie says as she stands up. She grips her shoulder for just a moment before giving her a smile and walking out of the room. Alex keeps her eyes on her while Kara starts to fuss over her. Maggie gives her a long look over her shoulder before she turns a corner and Alex offers her a smile. 

Kara buzzes around her but Alex is hardly paying attention. Her mind is still on Maggie and how, in that moment, Alex wanted to kiss her more than ever.

**IV.**

Alex gets a call from Maggie in the middle of the night.

She’s tipsy.

Well, maybe even pushing the line toward drunk. “Danvers, I think I found our guy,” she attempts to whisper into the receiver. Alex is still trying to get all of her faculties back but based on the background noise, she can tell that Maggie is out.

“It’s 2:30am, Maggie,” Alex says and if it were anybody else, she would be annoyed but it’s Maggie and maybe there’s something flattering about the fact that Alex is the person she calls when her inhibitions are gone. Even with a girlfriend, it’s still Alex that Maggie wants to talk to.

“I know, I know, but I’m telling you, I found our guy. He’s here in the bar. Should I collar him?” Maggie says and of course, even when Maggie is drunk she’s trying to solve a case.

“No, don’t. You can’t arrest people when you’ve been drinking. Where are you?” Alex asks, flinging her legs out of bed. This is a bad plan. A horrible plan, actually. She should hang up. Maggie shouldn’t calling her. She shouldn’t be Maggie’s drunk dial.

She pulls a pair of pants on anyway and gets on her bike.

She rides up on her motorcycle and Maggie is nowhere in sight. Alex sighs.

She flashes her badge in the peep hole with a raised eyebrow. She thinks she’s let it in more because the guard recognizes her than because of her badge.

Maggie is sitting at the bar, eyes narrowed in the direction of a man that Alex has never seen before. She’s got a beer in her hands, her legs spread. The bartender looks up at her with grateful eyes. “You Danvers?” she asks and Alex nods. The breath let out by the bartender is visible. “Finally. She hasn’t shut up about you for hours,” she says, throwing a rag over her shoulder and walking to the other end of the bar. She tries to ignore the butterflies.

(Trying.

Trying.

Failed.)

She turns her attention to Maggie, who is still glaring at the man who seems rather clueless. 

She grunts out a rather aggressive, “He’s over there,” and Alex sighs.

“We’ll deal with that later,” Alex says and she takes a few steps forward. “But for now, let’s get you home,” Alex says, wrapping an arm around Maggie’s shoulder. She’s surprised that Maggie doesn’t fight her. She stumbles a little bit and then lets herself relax into Alex’s side. Alex tries not to think about the smell of Maggie’s hair or the way her fingers always seem to burn brands on her skin whenever she touches her. The last thing she needs is to be drunk off Maggie’s touch before driving. They walk in silence and Alex gives a small nod to the guard, who looks a bit more amused than Alex feels comfortable with. 

“Sophie’s out of town,” Maggie says against her shoulder. Alex nearly freezes. “We’re fighting,” she continues and Alex bites her lip. 

“Maggie, this really isn’t my business,” Alex mumbles and Maggie starts to drag her feet against the pavement. The street lights above them illuminate Maggie’s face, giving her a glow that makes Alex weak in the knees. Fuck, why did she have to be so beautiful?

“Of course it’s your business,” Maggie replies and her eyes are nothing but wide and honest. Alex’s throat goes dry. No. No no no.

“Maggie,” Alex’s voice cracks on her name. It’s desperate and Maggie stops walking completely now.

“Why did you come?” Maggie asks and her voice all vulnerability again. Alex could lie. Alex could say she was concerned for her safety. That it was her responsibility as a woman of the law to make sure that Maggie was safe.

She doesn’t.

“You called,” Alex replies and the answer truly is as simple as that. Maggie called and so she came.

Alex is starting to think that she always would.

Maggie takes a step forward. They’re close, and Alex should pull away. She knows she should. But Maggie is so incredibly close to her and she can see just how dilated her pupils are.

Maggie’s reaches her hand out and her fingers start to play with the edges of Alex’s hair. Alex’s eyes flutter shut. 

No.

She can’t enjoy this.

Maggie still has a girlfriend.

“Maggie,” Alex says softly and Maggie just shakes her head.

“Take me home, Danvers,” she says and that’s a request that Alex can comply with.

With the wind blowing past their ears, Alex lets herself revel in the feeling of Maggie’s arms wrapped her. How safe she feels. The only person who ever made her feel like this was Kara. Even still, this is different somehow. Alex wasn’t in love with Kara.

And she isn’t in love with Maggie (she might be, she could be).

Alex pulls up in front of Maggie’s apartment and Maggie slides of the bike remarkably quickly. Maggie stands in front of Alex, sad eyes on display, and Alex wishes that things were different.

That she hadn’t just picked up Maggie from a bar.

That Maggie wasn’t drunk.

That Maggie didn’t have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend who is probably expecting a call to know that Maggie got home safely.

But they  _ weren’t  _ different.

This is how it was. And Alex couldn’t kiss Maggie under those circumstances.

“Not going to see me up?” Maggie comments and Alex’s lips purse.

“I don’t think that’s a great idea,” she admits and Maggie’s mouth falls into a frown. She nods and slowly, starts to walk toward the building. She moves like she’s waiting for Alex to call her back and the request is on the tip of her tongue, it is, but she doesn’t.

She does wait until she sees the lights go on in Maggie’s apartment before she drives away.

Alex hasn’t seen Maggie in almost a week. When the DEO reached out to the NCPD for their help on a case, they went an agent that Alex had never seen before.

So this is how it was going to be.

Maggie was going to ignore her. Alex thought they were better than this. They were both grown women and Alex thought they could handle this. Clearly, she was wrong.

She tries to pretend it doesn’t bother her. Kara’s asked multiple times if she’s heard from Maggie and each time the answer is no, Kara gets angrier and angrier. If they were speaking, Alex would warn Maggie that she might need to watch out. But they weren’t.

(Alex doesn’t want to talk about how many times she’s written out a text only to delete it because they weren’t speaking so they  _ certainly  _ weren’t texting.)

Alex is on the roof of the DEO building. She’s laying on the concrete, which isn’t horribly comfortable, but the view of the stars is good tonight and she won’t waste it.

“This your super secret hideout?” comes a voice from Alex’s left.

Maggie.

“If I tell you, it wouldn’t be a secret,” Alex replies, not taking her eyes off of the sky.

There’s shuffling against the concrete and Maggie is laying next to her. “What are you doing here, Maggie?” Alex asks, her voice breathy and defeated.

“I owe you an explanation,” she says and Alex clenches her eyes closed.

“I get the picture. I don’t need an interpretation,” Alex replies. Maggie’s hand hits hers and it’s instinct now to jerk away but Maggie’s hand follows hers. She laces their fingers and squeezes. Alex’s throat goes dry. “Maggie, you have a girlfriend,” Alex says, her voice cracking slightly.

“Not anymore,” Maggie says and at that, Alex’s eyes shoot open. She sits up and in the process, dislodges their connected hands.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Alex asks and Maggie is looking at her with soft eyes and that familiar diamond smile.

“I’m fine. It was my choice. I wasn’t being fair to her,” Maggie starts to explain, her expression purposeful.

“What do you mean?” Alex asks because she has a feeling but she doesn’t want to say it in case she’s wrong. She can’t let this be false hope. The president’s words echo in her ears but she thinks that the president has never been in front of a beautiful girl with her heart on the line. Maggie could hurt her. Maggie could reach inside of her chest, pull her heart out, and crush it, with just a few words.

This is vulnerability.

“I couldn’t keep dating her when I wanted to be with someone else,” Maggie says and Alex has butterflies in every part of her body now.

“Maggie…,” Alex trails off and Maggie sits up now, reaching across and grabbing Alex’s hand. She brushes her thumb across Alex’s knuckles and God, it feels as good as she remembers.

“I made a few mistakes here, with us, but it’s you, Alex. It’s been you since we met. I was scared, fucking terrified, because you….you’re the kind of girl I imagined when I was 15, lonely, and convinced I would never meet another gay girl. I never thought she existed. And then I met you,” Maggie pauses and her eyes flit back and forth across Alex’s, like she’s searching for something. She takes a deep breath. “You’re real. You’re tangible and beautiful and you could break me. I wasn’t ready. Fuck, I still don’t think I’m ready, but I want to be. I want to try to be,” Maggie explains and Alex can tell by the way she keeps talking that she’s nervous. That she wants this the same way Alex does.

“You’re definitely single?” Alex asks and Maggie’s eyebrows wrinkle. She nods. Alex grins and does what she’s been waiting months to do - she kisses her.

Maggie’s lips feel like she’s always imagined them. The kiss is soft, gentle, and when they pull apart, Alex thinks Maggie might be shaking. “Wow,” she mutters and Alex laughs.

“I want this,  _ you _ , but,” Maggie’s eyes widen, “I don’t want to rush. I want to take my time with you,” Alex says and based on the relieved look on Maggie’s face, that’s not where she thought that sentence was going to go.

“You got it, Danvers,” Maggie says.

“Lay with me,” Alex replies, tugging on Maggie’s hand while she leans back again. The stars are in full view and Alex is holding Maggie’s hand - maybe this is what perfect is.

“You think we can do this?” Maggie whispers and Alex squeezes her hand.

“Yeah, I think we’ve got a shot.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm agtalexdanvers on tumblr! hit me up there if you wanna hit me with a prompt, comment on the fic, or just squeal about sanvers.


End file.
